He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
