She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
