...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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