No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
