why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
