You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
