What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
