I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
