just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
