no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
