You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
