Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
