I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
