I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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