I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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