I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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