To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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