I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
