i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
