I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
