how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
