i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
