Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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