so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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