i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
