i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize