what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
