Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
