I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
