1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
