actually, I'm a sock model
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
