just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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