its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Watching her eat just hurts me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
