Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry about my life...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
