I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
