I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
