i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
