What did we do last night that was yellow?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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