whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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