he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
