I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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