I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
