final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
