And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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