You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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