you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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