they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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