Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
