I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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