"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Someone signed my nipple.
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