Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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