rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
