I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You smell like stripper and shame
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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