She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
