Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
