Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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