Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
