Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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