she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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