I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
