i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
