The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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